White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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