awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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