Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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