His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were trust falling into bushes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
