DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
