He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
