hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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