I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
