Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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