I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
