I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
