We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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