The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
