In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
