Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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