Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
