I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
