By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
