I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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