I cockslap morals
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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