Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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