You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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