just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
