ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
