Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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