i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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