I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
