Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
