you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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