I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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