I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize