he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
