He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
