Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
