i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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