I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
