i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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