Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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