his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you would pick up someone in the library
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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