Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
