Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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