Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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