She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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