Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
