I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
