Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
