You're completely useless in the revolution.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
