That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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