hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
