OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
