At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I just sharted jello shots
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