Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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