Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pants are for mortals
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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