Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
