I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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